How rewarding your
important relationships
are, depends substantially, on how the persons involved with you think or feel about you. And as strange as it might seem, this does not depend on how they regard you in the usual way of analyzing persons.
For example, a person internally, usually will not say, "I like her because, gee, she's intelligent and so much fun." Or, "I like her because of the way she looks me in the eyes."
Oh yes, those things do register, but for different reasons. Persons might make those comments about you to other people.
But generally those things don’t determine how they feel about you. What controls that is how they evaluate you subliminally.
This depends on how well you use People Skills in your contacts with them. That is, how you make them feel about themselves. It’s the key to what you have to do. Your relations with these people must increase or improve their self-importance or self-images.
And therein lies an irony: Before you can make them like you, you have to make them like themselves. Or at least you must make them feel better about themselves than they did before their contacts with you.
This also means that no matter how personable you are, they still will not like you if you lower their self-esteem. So, it all boils down to whether you make them feel good or bad about themselves by properly using People Skills.
That’s the ball game. To help you win it, as mentioned, in the book I cite many "dos," "don’ts," and "how-tos." I put them in categories of: "make-feel-goods" and "make-feel-bads." And, from a good-English perspective, these terms are anything but correct or artful.
Despite that, I use them prominently in headings of most sections of the book. They serve a critical purpose. They tell you instantly why you should or should not do something.
This instant comprehension justifies their use. Thus, in the book is a bundle of these "make-feel-goods" and "make-feel-bads," used in a one-word form.
You should learn their messages by heart. Then, implement them religiously in your relations with important-to-you people, because they are core-ingredients of
People Skills.
copyright 2000 by Frank F.Loomis III, J.D. All rights reserved